Our Secrets

They chase after you. They run after you. What if they don't stop? You can't breathe. Not anymore. You have hair hitting your face from the speed you are sprinting at and your eyes are sore from staying open trying to be aware of every object in your line of sight. Which pedestrian will be the one to trip you? When will that man jump out of the dark and scare you? What sight will cause your heart to beat harder than you were ever prepared for? Your throat and nose are sore and they burn from the constant battle of trying to breathe in. You frantically look in all directions. Who will be the first to grab you harshly? To shake you and bring you to tears as you regrettably reveal the truth. All of it. Everything. Who will be the first to frighten you? Shake you to your core as you admit who you are with more fear then is humanly imaginable. Who will discover who you really are? And when they do, you ask yourself, " how much more will they hate me, have anger for me, run from me? Please, please you cry out. Please don't truly figure out who I am!

Please. Don't . . .  

 

 

 

 

 

 

We gladly create for ourselves, islands  . . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And we lock yourselves in . . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We'd rather be there than anywhere. We hide our shames, our fears, our past, and our sadness.

We go and hide in our mental islands that we create for ourselves and we remind ourselves over and over again, I knew I should have never joined the other people of this world because all they do is rip you . . .

 

Every time.

 

 

We wrap up by ourselves and tell ourselves how we were always right and how the people that tried to help us were wrong. Always! 

 

We knew it.

We wrap up in a ball and tell ourselves, " your life is terrible"! Or maybe your life is wonderful in every aspect except for with a few people. You have a fear about what the worlds response is going to be when you share with your close companions the one thing that you know they would reject you for saying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We want people to know but out of fear, we remain where we are  . . . Alone, and that's ok, for a time  . . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

We drop hints, but we never want to share what our greatest fear is because of fear of rejection from the people we love most  . . .

 

 

 

 

 

We hear our friends and family get closer and closer to our island of fears and secrets. It is odd though because even though we lead them part way there, we don't ever want them reaching our secret territory.

 

 

 

 

So what is this secret that we all try to hide? It is different for most people but we are never the only one with the a certain secret. But why are we afraid to share it? If everyone has secrets, then why are we afraid to share ours? Why do we fear being rejected and left on our own? It is because the world teaches that first, people won't fail you, and this includes that people will always be there for you and second, that our life will be easy with God. Ok so first, people will fail us. We are hurt and rejected not because the people are constantly turning their backs on us, but because WE expect them to be something that is impossible for them to be on their own, and that is, being everything we need. People are not and will never be everything we need for our whole lives because if they were, we wouldn't need God. Along with that, when people say they're always going to be there for you, that may not always be true in every situation. Saying you will always be there for a friend is not a bad statement at all! It is beautiful, loving, and kind and God calls us to be there for each other and if we didn't, then we are not following His loving calling, but if we truly believe with all our heart that that person is going to be there always and forever, at our every call and every time  we need someone, then again, that would make them inhuman. Friends can definitely be there for us always and God designed it this way for them to be there with us always through life and next to us but He also doesn't promise this. That is what we must understand! God doesn't promise that we will always  have our friends with us or around us. Our friends follow God's calling when they love us but no one gets to control what God does with our lives. So yes our friends are doing the right thing in saying this and they are obeying God but God is the one who controls whether or not we need someone next to us for certain times in our lives. But we must trust Him with who He puts and takes out of our lives. It can be hard but He is constantly stretching and growing us! Second, we need to realize that God is the ultimate comforter but also we must learn that He is also a God that will not let us stay where we are! Everyday He will stretch us and grow us and if we believe that if we have God everything will be easy, then we also lie to ourselves as we say God will never put us through hard things.

 

I hide things because I know some of the things what the Bible says and I know that people will never be everything I need but one thing that God has taught me, once I let my defenses down and acknowledged the truth, it is that God is truly everything that our hearts need and He does fill us up. Live on an island that acknowledge the truth, because if you know the truth, that people will fail us and that God truly can fill us up, truly, then you can share any and all things and secrets because God says," the truth will set you free."! Know and acknowledge the truth and trust God that no matter what He does, He's got us and will always be enough for us! Its ok to live on islands because we are humans but God calls us to something much greater! Its ok to live on islands but know the truth then jump out and trust God and just run! You never know who you might help plant seeds in and might encourage! God takes away friends for reasons. Its ok to have islands just trust God with your life and everything! Always! Always!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

:)!